Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
