Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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