I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize