I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
