Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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