I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
They have beer where we have blood.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
