walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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