The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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