That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
