I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize