if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
