he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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