this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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