I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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