why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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