Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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