im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
