i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
