I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
