I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
