the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize