Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
