Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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