I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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