your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
