im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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