doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
