Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
