upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize