You can't motorboat a personality
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
