So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
