I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
