So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
