he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
