Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Someone signed my nipple.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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