i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
