Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
