One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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