my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
