u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
