the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
