just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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