Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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