we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
