you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
either way he was missing a nipple.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
