just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
