sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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