i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
