The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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