i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
