As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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