i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
