Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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