Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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