i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
