I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
