She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
