I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
