I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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