grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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