you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize