The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
