when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
