we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
