I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
