Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
