We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize